Oklahoma Rock Newsblog

Oh, Hinder…

Part of me thinks, “Hey, they made it. They’re doing what they love, partyin’ it up and having a good time. It’s not for all of us, sure…but good for them.”

Then, after constantly hearing about how ‘badass’ everything is, how wasted they are and how they…wet their beds, you begin to lose any goodwill you may have had for them.

I have a feeling one day we’re going to hear about one of them choking on their own vomit.

From Blender:

Collect Call From: Hinder
Each month, one lucky rock star will phone Blender HQ every day for a week, just to, you know, share. Up first: hard–rock horndogs Hinder.
By Josh Eells
Blender, July 2007

Day 1
April 19, 2:03 P.M.
Singer Austin Winkler phones us from a parking lot on the campus of Northwest Missouri State University.

“Dude, yesterday was so much fun. We were off, so we spent the night hitting bars in St. Louis. We had to take it easy, though, because two nights ago, in Chattanooga, we got absolutely hammered before the show even started. We put Blower [guitarist Joe Garvey] belly down on a skateboard in the in the parking lot and ran him as fast as we could into a concrete wall — headfirst, no helmet. He lay there for, like, literally 10 minutes — we thought he was dead. But it … oh, goddamn![The line goes quiet as Winkler is momentarily distracted.] Hey, sorry, dude — we’re at this college, and our bus is parked right by the track, and there’s this fucking insanely hot girl walking by in a sports bra and jogging shorts.’Tell me, what else you can do with that javelin, darlin’!’ Goddamn she’s hot.”

Day 2
April 20, 2:00 P.M.
The next afternoon, drummer Cody Hanson checks in from his parents’ house in Oklahoma City.

“Yesterday was awesome. We spent most of the afternoon on the bus staring at those track chicks — we were gonna go outside, but we didn’t wanna look like pervs, so we just watched through the windows. Then it was time for our pregame warm–up: We lock ourselves in a room, do Jäger shots and crank up the Mötley Crüe.

“Then, the show. For this tour, we decided to do a college run. Last night was a smaller school, so the capacity was only about 3,800 — but it was packed, wall–to–wall. The vibe was crazy. We had to roll out pretty early so we could stop by home for a few hours on the way to the next show, so it was a fairly lame evening for sexual advances. I think [bassist] Mike [Rodden] got laid, but that was it. It’s cool though — we just got fucked up on the bus. We have a Jäger machine, plenty of vodka and tequila, and of course, the Captain. We don’t waste time on beer.”

Day 3
April 21, 2:02 P.M.
Having arrived in Houston to play a local radio festival, Winkler files his update from the venue parking lot.

“I’ll tell you, buddy, yesterday was about as lame as it gets. We pulled into Oklahoma City just as I was waking up. My mom was out of town, and my dad was working, so I just went home, lay on the couch, drank a screwdriver and passed out.

“Oh, I did some laundry — I can’t even remember the last time that happened. Before we had the luxury of a hospitality guy washing our shit for us, I used to wear the same pants 20 shows in a row. Girls think it’s sexier when you don’t shower.

“It’s good to come home once in a while and see your friends and family, but when you’re used to getting hammered and blasting music on a bus with 20 girls, going to your nephew’s T–ball game gets really boring. Like, how do people do this?

“I’m excited about tonight, though. Texas girls are the hottest girls in the U.S. Plus it’s already 80 degrees, so you know what that means: bikinis.”

Day 4
April 22, 2:06 P.M.
As the Hinder Express rumbles down the Texas highway, Mike Rodden calls to report on the band’s day at BuzzFest.

“We went on at four o’clock. At first we were kind of bummed to be playing so early, but it ended up being a good thing, ’cause we had seven whole hours to get drunk and laid. I myself had a very nice girl — and she brought a friend, too. They made out while I did some dirty things to one of them. It was pretty hot.

“Oh, and I almost forgot: Blower got so wasted, he pissed his bunk. He woke up this morning and his entire mattress was soaked. Now it’s lying on the front of the bus, drying out in the sun. And since I pissed my bunk about a month ago, I take great comfort in knowing that someone else has done it, too.”

Day 5
April 23, 3:28 P.M.
Winkler calls in from scenic Wichita Falls, sounding a bit worse for wear.

“Last night we played a big festival at an outdoor ampitheater in Lubbock, Texas. It was us, Buckberry, Papa Roach and Puddle of Mudd. The weather was really good, and I saw a lot of titties in the crowd. It was badass.”

[Winkler spies a prospective conquest through the window and tosses the phone to Hanson, who, from the sound of things, is in even rougher shape.]

“Dude, I’m fucked up out of my mind right now. I’m trying desperately to sober up. I’ve been drunk for 24 hours straight. We had to get up at five this morning, for a radio interview in Dallas. So instead of going to bed, me and Blower stayed up all night and drank. We finally went to sleep around four. Then we woke up an hour later and started slamming Jäger bombs. But we pulled it off: We did the interview, played a couple of songs and went right back to doing shots. We’re pros!”

Day 6
April 24, 2:01 P.M.
It’s a 24–hour drive to the band’s next show, in Boca Raton, Florida. Rodden rings us just outside Mobile, Alabama, where they plan to spend the night.

“The crowd last night was nuts. They ripped Austin’s clothes to shreds. Unfortunately we had to bail as soon as we got offstage, so not much cool happened. Wait, actually: Blower made a beer can disappear in his nutsac. He’s got this stretchy nutsac — we call it Tarpy, ’cause he can stretch it on fire with WD–40, but we didn’t have any matches.

“As for tonight? I don’t know. We haven’t been to a strip club in a while …”

Day 7
April 25, 2:07 P.M.
On the seventh and final day, Winkler phones from somewhere on I–95, en route to the Boca show.

“Well, we never made it to the strip club, but we did find ourselves a Hooters. Apparently they serve liquor now, so we spent about two hours getting hammered. There was this one really hot waitress who wanted to hang out afterward, but she had to babysit instead.

“Turns out there’s not a whole lot to do in Mobile, Alabama. We went to the mall for a while, but they kicked us out for playing baseball in a K·B Toys store. Then we just made the best of it and got annihilated at Applebees. Finally, around 11, we got on the bus and headed for Boca Raton. I hear it’s a big retirement destination. Hopefully they’ll be a lot of granddaughters there.

“You know, people sometimes ask if I ever got tired of getting wasted and hooking up with random chicks — don’t I want something more out of life? To be honest, I don’t care what they think. Nothing about my job sucks. I’m 24, young, and I’m stupid. I can’t ask for anything more.”

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 14th, 2007 at 4:26 pm and is filed under Hinder, Q&A. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.