COLUMNS

During third period in Mr. Ross's classroom, a ghetto-rigged CD player-thru-1970s stereo receiver-into-car speakers is frequently employed while students work on their story assignments. (When combined with the stench of photographic chemicals seeping from their storage containers, it provides an interesting ambiance to say the least.) Much of the material is willfully eclectic stuff with which a high school student in the amazing year Two Thousand And Four would probably not be
familiar with- Wilco, 1970s R&B collections, Smiths, etc. However, an attempt is usually made to provide some kind of touchstone for the listener at large. To say that the programming is entirely arbitrary is to miss the point- someone needs to expose these kids to stuff other than what they get on the radio, lest they be horribly out of step by the time they reach the universities of America.

It is with grave sadness that I report this to be a seemingly lost cause

A student asks about an assignment before leveling the standard complaint:

"Mr. Ross, you need to get some mainstream stuff." (Apparently, mainstream = Dashboard Confessional.)

The album playing at the time? A Prince "greatest hits" disc.

It makes me kind of sad to think that one of the biggest artists of my childhood- let alone one currently enjoying something of a comeback- isn't considered "mainstream" by high school standards. It's the kind of feeling one gets when explaining what a record is or what it was like to listen to cassette tapes or ride on dinosaurs.

Today I tried to comply. The selections that found their way into my bag were pretty easy to spot- a Coldplay album, a Lennon best-of.  Did anyone say anything? Actually, yes.

My hyper-intelligent copy editor: "Is this John Lennon?"
Me: "Yeah."
Copy Editor: "Oh. Okay."

Then there's this:
Dashboard Guy: "Hey, don't you have some OutKast?"
Me: "Yeah, but it's at home right now."
Dashboard: "You should bring that."

While I'm all for giving Ice Cold and Big Boi their props, I don't know if I can get away with "Gasoline Dreams" in a public school.

Well, all right. It's not that I felt old- as the youngest member of the staff, I certainly don't. It's more of a twinge of hopelessness that I was hit with. Weren't there any kids who were interested in stuff they had to actually track down? Where was the thrill of discovering something that didn't belong to anyone else? I thought about my choir teacher loaning me Kind of Blue and it made me sad.

Then I thought about the two kids I saw wearing Smiths t-shirts to school picture day and, though heaven knows I was miserable for a moment, I smiled.

Your friend,

M. Ross
-Country Sad Ballad (Charming) Man

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